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COURTSHIP (PART TWO)

You should first read the part one on COURTSHIP

Courtship is all about accepting your partner even though he/she has certain weakness. One's you are committed, you talk a lot more about each other, your plans for the future, your relatives, money, and lot more.
For example:- discussing with each other about what school shall we choose for our children? Or name given when born? Should we ask our Cousin to stay with us? Should we buy a Car?


When making decisions concerning yourselves, there maybe disagreement between the two of you. Don't allow the disagreement to stop your communication. Instead continue discussing the subject until an agreement is made.

Jude and Jane early in their marriage, had a quarrel about his mother, and they made the mistake of stopping
the discussion before the quarrel was solved. After that, in order to avoid another quarrel, they both began being careful never to mention the subject of ''his mother''. Later they had a quarrel about money. Again the quarrel was not settled properly, and so they began avoiding that subject, too. After several years they had developed a long list of subjects which they never could mention to each other.
  

This greatly restricted their communication. Instead of allowing quarrels to kill communication, We should use communication to solve quarrels. We can only do that by being determined to keep on discussing the subject in a kind, cool and loving way until we understand each other and agree on a decision. When we solve our quarrels, we continue being free to discuss any subject with each other.

There are certain barriers that hinder communication. And some couples allow those barriers to stop their communication.

Fear:-
The Bible says a wife should respect her husband, but not fear him, Wives, respect your husband (Col. 3:18).
There is no fear in Love, but perfect love removes fear (1 John 4:18).
Unfortunately, many relationship are been threaten by fear as well as husbands makes their wives fear them. Fear is an enemy of  communication. A husband and wife or spouse that has already been engaged cannot communicate well if there is fear in their relationship.

Hurt:-
Married partners can hurt each other very easily and even little hurts can stop communication. 

One morning as Ruth was waiting for the bus, she kept thinking about something Steve had said that morning which hurt her. It only a small hurt actually, it was more the tone of his voice than  the word he used. Yet, as she continued thinking about it, the hurt grew. And she remembered other times when he had hurt her.

On her way home from work, Ruth kept asking herself, "what should I do about this hurt? I could try to forget it. No, if I do that, my communication with Steve this evening will be just half-hearted.

Under the surface I will still feel hurt. Maybe I should wait for him to say "SORRY" No, that won't work because he may not even realize that he hurt me. There is only one answer: I must talk with him about the hurt. I must tell how I feel. I must speak kindly but honestly.

That evening, after the children were in bed, Ruth and her husband were relaxing in the sitting room.

Rather shyly she began, Dear, I think I should let you know that I felt hurt this morning because of the way you spoke to me. In fact, I've felt hurt all day. I realize you didn't mean to hurt me. And now I feel ashamed of myself for letting such small thing bother me all day!.


When Steve and Ruth finished discussing this hurt, how close they felt, and what an enjoyable evening they had together! If Ruth had tried to hide the hurt, what kind of evening and bed-time would they have had? 

Try as much as possible to always free your mind and forever be happy.
 
Continue reading here... COURTSHIP (PART THREE)

Written by 
Remi Badmus
GIT9JA Relationship Expert/Counsel

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